It’s time to resurrect this blog as I left it inactive for
several years. While going through some trying times during my absence, it has
been an educational experience, along with a spiritual battle.
In February 2012, I cared for my Dad until he passed away
shortly after he reached his 90th birthday a month later. My Dad had
a weak heart, thus ended up with a difibulator. Several years prior, he was
filling up with fluids, on diuretics and ended up in the hospital. While family & friends were ready to bury my Dad and acquaintances
were telling me to let him go, I was fighting for his life. My Dad still had
the will to live so there was no reason to let go of him just yet. The hospital staff were “making him
comfortable” as if there was nothing more for them to do until he passes on.
That was not acceptable to me. I can only question what it had to take to keep
my Dad from going back into the hospital every 6 months with similar problems.
My Aunt had the answer. She reminded me of his current diet containing too much
sodium. Bingo! With the valuable piece of information, I made a point of
addressing this matter to the nursing staff, requesting a dietician to speak to
my Dad about changing his diet to reduce the sodium intake. It was sad, and a
little disturbing to say the least, that the doctor or nurse would not address
this issue themselves. From the time my
Mother & I removed all the canned goods from their house and changed the
way we prepared their meals, my Dad lived another 3 years beyond everyone’s
expectation.
It was a spiritual battle as well as in the natural against
the mentality that people had and still have if not growing worse by thinking
that it’s considered normal for an average person to live only 80 years.
Who says it’s the average lifespan? Doctors? Scientists?
Society?
I am here to tell you that there is only one person who has
the authority to determine how long a person will live. Only the Almighty
Creator of this Universe has the authority to give life and take it away. As a
people, no matter what title we earn by profession, we do not have any
authority to determine the lifespan and certainly do not have the authority to
take a life. We need to stop listening to the doctors, scientist and government
so much and start listening to the Creator of the Universe.
I grew up in the 60s where the people cared for the elderly
and respected them enough to live out their lives to the fullest, with dignity,
caring for them until they took their last breath. Sadly, today, we have a
cultural change where the elderly are no longer given the respect that they
deserve, which leads me to my next story concerning my Mother.
After my Dad passed away in March 2012, I cared for my Mom for
4 years before she passed away in June 2017. As I thought it was a spiritual
battle fighting for my Dad’s life - - that was nothing until I became a
full-time caregiver for my Mother.
My Mother was living comfortably and securely in her home
where my parents lived for 12 years. Living around the elderly for 16 years, I
learned enough about them to know that they want to remain as independent as
they can while living comfortably in their own home. In 2014, all that changed
and I was blindsided by the work of the enemy as my 2 brothers came against me
while trying to keep our Mother to stay with my eldest brother in the cold
weather state and the second brother attempted to sell her house behind her
back. I wasn’t prepared for battle and to be honest with you, I had to battle
against the fear I had of my brothers before I could press forward and fight
them to protect my Mother and her rights to remain in her home as long as she
wished to do so.
Granted they did have the power of attorney over her but
this is where people err concerning these legal matters; having Power of
Attorney does not mean that the people representing my Mother can do
whatever they choose to do. That idea is false! Their duty as representatives of
the estate was to honor my Mother’s wishes and provide aid whereas needed
dealing with matters of the estate.
When this battle first begun, I started hearing horror
stories of people having Power of Attorney and doing their parents more harm by
the way they were treated. I knew that I could not just sit back and allow
similar treatment of my own Mother by my brothers so I chose to rise up and
fight for my Mother. For 3 years, it was a very exhausting battle and stressful
to say the least. My brothers no longer remained in contact with our Mother. My
middle brother never spoke to our Mother again, even unto her death. After the
damage he caused by slandering me and my son with her neighbors, we no longer
had the support we once had by her neighbors. And to think of the damage that
was done to my son after he heard the horrible things his uncle said about him.
Also, what it did to my Mother emotionally, knowing how her sons treated her. It
made her sick to her stomach and she had to vomit after she found out what they
did to her. It was shameful! My eldest brother had no contact for about a year
& half. Due to exhaustion and dealing with my own damaged emotions, I
needed help in caring for our Mother, which I could not find. I had hoped I
could get help from my brother, at least a 2 week vacation a year would have
been nice but that never happened. After much prayer, hoping for change, my
brother did make contact apologizing for what happened and we did make amends
but the support was never really there. Neither was the trust. My brothers
showed their fruit and it was not of love and concern for others that only
comes from Creator in Heaven. They were primarily concerned about their own
interests as they wanted nothing more to do with the estate, as was clearly
stated in email communication, “to be done with Florida”.
Wow! I was the one caring for our Mother 24/7 for about a
year going back & forth from my house to hers to feed her, clean her house
and perform other duties to care for her house & property and my brothers
no longer wanted the responsibility of caring for her estate as they dealt with
financial matters. The only responsibility my eldest brother had was visiting 5
days out of the year.
If you think I have harbored any unforgiveness toward them,
I haven’t. I have forgiven them and moved on. Yet it still disturbs me to this
day that the mentality of the culture we live in today think they are in the
right when they are really in the wrong. The only right thing to do is respect
our Mother by honoring her wishes and just be patient enough to ride it out. I
was the one carrying a full load of responsibility caring for our Mother, yet
they acted like they were the ones inconvenienced.
During the 4 years of caring for my Mother, I did not get a
real vacation. I was able to get away a few days when my eldest brother visited
but yet, he could not understand why we disappeared when he arrived to visit.
It didn’t occur to me until after our Mother passed away that it wasn’t that he
was offended we disappeared when he arrived to visit, he just didn’t want to be
left alone with her to care for her. He thought I was just going to continue to
stick around and care for her while he would just come & go as he pleased
and spend very little time with her while he was visiting for the 5 days. Are men that truly shallow that they cannot
see and understand the needs that my son & I had to get away to rest so we
can carry on after he left to return to his life and enjoyed his escapades of
camping, hunting, white water rafting and skiing throughout the year while I was
caring for our Mother with very little help from my son.
I don’t know how to communicate to the people out there but to
speak from the heart. Caring for our parents is our responsible duty that we
need to do as mature adults. After all, we were in our 50s yet we could not
come together as adults to respectfully work together in caring for our Mother.
Feeling this way emotionally and battling against my brothers was also draining
because they would not budge and neither would I. I made the right choice by
protecting my Mother while they were being completely insensitive and disrespectful
toward my Mother and toward my son & I as well.
Caregivers do not get the proper respect that needs to be
given. It is a very demanding job and underpaid. So often, as caregivers who
work on a full-time basis, caring for our parents are not employed to receive income.
Therefore, being unemployed, receiving very little to no income is more of a
volunteer job that receives no recognition and very little to no support from
family, friends and the community.
Caregivers need to be respected by the family as well as
from the community, along with getting support. Yet if there is no support, it
is very draining and it takes a major toll on the caregiver’s health.
I ask you to please respect your elders and be more
understanding as well as thoughtful toward caregivers you may know personally
or briefly encounter. Some people call it being a “caretaker”. Yeah, maybe a
caretaker is caring for someone’s property like a grounds keeper but I am talking
about a “caregiver”. A Caregiver is one
who is constantly doing the giving and receiving very little in return. Being a caregiver is a very demanding job
caring for their loved ones. They so desperately need positive support from
others to help them carry on, whether it is through words of encouragement, a
prepared dish to help with a meal or giving of your time to sit with the
elderly so the caregiver can get away for a while. Pray about what you can do
to be a blessing to the caregiver and have the compassion to step up and be a
vessel to shine the light and carry your neighbor through another day through
the long, difficult journey that he/she has to travel for a season.
We as a people need to be more caring, thoughtful and giving
toward one another. We have been called to be doers of the Word, not hearers
only. (James 1:22-24) We have been called to be set apart, meaning separate
from the ways of the world. We may be in this world but we are not to be of
this world. (Ephesians 5:11) It’s
important to truly understand the difference and make a decision as to whom you
will serve. (Matthew 6:24) There are
only 2 masters to choose from; we either serve our Creator in Heaven or serve
satan that runs to and fro throughout this earth seeking whom he may devour.
There is no mixture. In the book of Revelations, YAH makes it very clear that
anyone who will be lukewarm, He will spue out. It truly is a bondage to serve satan and be
separated from the presence of Yahuah (God). The ultimate goal we should be
desiring is to be in the presence of Yahuah when we die and face eternity.
If
there be therefore any
consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit,
if any bowels and mercies, fulfill ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same
love, being of one accord, of
one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind
let each esteem other better than themselves.
Philippians 2:1-3
